We Love Blackouts
Yesterday night, for the first time in years, there was a blackout in my area. This is usually unwelcome but since Huddersfield (under me) was losing 2-1 to York in the 81st minute of another one of my CM games, a sense of relief overcame me a few moments after my laptop fizzed out. Incidentally, it also killed Pat’s game of Culdcept and my mom’s Yahoo mahjong session. We’re all gamers, dammit.
Apparently, being the rare event that it is, a blackout is cause for celebration. Within moments of the plunge into darkness, what sounded like rejoicing could be heard from various units in the surrounding blocks. A happy birthday song broke out somewhere below us, children squealed in delight and the odd ah beng could be heard shouting “wah lau, si bei ka ni na (henceforth KNN)”. Over and above the irritation that hearing hokkien vulgarities causes me, it was also grammatically incorrect.
Why ungrammatical? Well, KNN is a verb. I’m sure I don’t need to provide a translation of this ubiquitous term. If what I remember from school is correct, you can’t say “intensifier verb”. That’s exactly what “si bei KNN” does. “Si bei” is the intensifier and KNN is the verb. It’s like saying “very swim”. But then again, grammar has never been very high on the ah beng skills list. No point being pedantic.
Anyway, due to the squealing children, vulgarity shouting and birthday song singing, the police felt compelled to make an appearance. And so they did, complete with loudspeaker and flashing sirens, before proceeding to insult the collective intelligence of 4000 or so people. “Gibberish pleah yaadddaaa power yeaddaaa pleah out gibberish as soon as possible. Gibberish pleah yeaaddaa panic. Yaaddaaa pleah gibberish do not attempt to use any lifts. Thank you.” Do not attempt to use any lifts you say? If the lift doors are closed due to the, in case you haven’t noticed, lack of electricity, how do you suppose your average dumber than dumb heartlander might get into the lift, much less use it?
By now, it was getting hot. Living in Singapore without a fan is absolutely impossible. The three of us had two torches and two fans between us. Not bad, considering that I saw a few families, children and all, in the opposite block toying around with candles which led me to imagine fire engines and huge plumes of smoke. So the three of us sat on the couch in semi-darkness, fanning ourselves and generally steaming away while my mom complained profusely about SP’s lack of efficiency.
It was at this point that Pat started getting restless. This girl cannot go a minute without being occupied with something. My gut feeling is that this is to make up for the 12 hours she spends sleeping each day. Letting her hold the torchlight was a mistake. She started drawing stars on the ceiling with the beam which, inevitably, led to my eyeballs drawing stars on the ceilings as well. A most dizzying activity for the owner of the eyeballs. After having the torchlight forcibly removed from her grasp, she somehow found herself in possession of a fan and discovered that it made a good drum and that tapping it against her boyfriend’s thigh produced an interesting sound. This again led to the removal of said object from said girl’s grasp by said boyfriend. Finally, she held my hand, which was sweet, until she started gnawing on my knuckle. I decided to sit on the floor.
[Disclaimer: Author is prone to exaggeration. Events in above paragraph may not have happened as described.]
Without a fan, a torch or a hand with which to entertain herself, Pat’s mind scanned the house for something that could keep her occupied. And then, it struck her. Wasn’t there ice cream or yogurt in the fridge? Of course there was. And so it came to pass that mother, son and son’s girlfriend huddled around a 2-liter tub of peach mango yogurt slurping away.
The lights came on about an hour after the cut, again to much rejoicing and vulgarity spewing. Whoever said Singaporeans are hard to please?
Apparently, being the rare event that it is, a blackout is cause for celebration. Within moments of the plunge into darkness, what sounded like rejoicing could be heard from various units in the surrounding blocks. A happy birthday song broke out somewhere below us, children squealed in delight and the odd ah beng could be heard shouting “wah lau, si bei ka ni na (henceforth KNN)”. Over and above the irritation that hearing hokkien vulgarities causes me, it was also grammatically incorrect.
Why ungrammatical? Well, KNN is a verb. I’m sure I don’t need to provide a translation of this ubiquitous term. If what I remember from school is correct, you can’t say “intensifier verb”. That’s exactly what “si bei KNN” does. “Si bei” is the intensifier and KNN is the verb. It’s like saying “very swim”. But then again, grammar has never been very high on the ah beng skills list. No point being pedantic.
Anyway, due to the squealing children, vulgarity shouting and birthday song singing, the police felt compelled to make an appearance. And so they did, complete with loudspeaker and flashing sirens, before proceeding to insult the collective intelligence of 4000 or so people. “Gibberish pleah yaadddaaa power yeaddaaa pleah out gibberish as soon as possible. Gibberish pleah yeaaddaa panic. Yaaddaaa pleah gibberish do not attempt to use any lifts. Thank you.” Do not attempt to use any lifts you say? If the lift doors are closed due to the, in case you haven’t noticed, lack of electricity, how do you suppose your average dumber than dumb heartlander might get into the lift, much less use it?
By now, it was getting hot. Living in Singapore without a fan is absolutely impossible. The three of us had two torches and two fans between us. Not bad, considering that I saw a few families, children and all, in the opposite block toying around with candles which led me to imagine fire engines and huge plumes of smoke. So the three of us sat on the couch in semi-darkness, fanning ourselves and generally steaming away while my mom complained profusely about SP’s lack of efficiency.
It was at this point that Pat started getting restless. This girl cannot go a minute without being occupied with something. My gut feeling is that this is to make up for the 12 hours she spends sleeping each day. Letting her hold the torchlight was a mistake. She started drawing stars on the ceiling with the beam which, inevitably, led to my eyeballs drawing stars on the ceilings as well. A most dizzying activity for the owner of the eyeballs. After having the torchlight forcibly removed from her grasp, she somehow found herself in possession of a fan and discovered that it made a good drum and that tapping it against her boyfriend’s thigh produced an interesting sound. This again led to the removal of said object from said girl’s grasp by said boyfriend. Finally, she held my hand, which was sweet, until she started gnawing on my knuckle. I decided to sit on the floor.
[Disclaimer: Author is prone to exaggeration. Events in above paragraph may not have happened as described.]
Without a fan, a torch or a hand with which to entertain herself, Pat’s mind scanned the house for something that could keep her occupied. And then, it struck her. Wasn’t there ice cream or yogurt in the fridge? Of course there was. And so it came to pass that mother, son and son’s girlfriend huddled around a 2-liter tub of peach mango yogurt slurping away.
The lights came on about an hour after the cut, again to much rejoicing and vulgarity spewing. Whoever said Singaporeans are hard to please?
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