We know you're wonderful, you bitch.
Living in Singapore is like having a relationship with a crazy girl. Sure, she's hot. She's well-groomed, polite and CLEAN as well. So clean that you wonder if she may be made of plastic. But you know you're not into that sorta thing so you banish the thought. Plus, she's filthy rich and she doesn't even chew gum. Imagine that! So, eyes glazed and heart thumping, you move in with her.
Oh, it's alright at first. She treats you well. You come home to a warm dinner every evening, have sex every night, experience unbelievable GDP growth etc. It's just freaking bliss. But then one day over dinner, she asks you to comment on her cooking and how she is in the sack. She says, “feel free to speak your mind. I believe in an open relationship. After all, discussion is an exchange of knowledge.” You're impressed by how reasonable she is and by her use of half a quote (the other half is 'argument is an exchange of ignorance') and so you begin. “I suppose the vegetables tend to be overcooked,” holding up a dollop of green sludge that used to be kang kong, “and perhaps you could scream more in bed?” (Ed: this is strictly fictional)
Being the wonderful girl that she is, she reacts to this mild criticism by calmly trying to force your head through a shredder and then, failing that (thankfully), threatens to throw you out of the house. “What did I say wrong?” you ask as she tries to squeeze you through the gate grills. “I don't have to explain myself to you!” she hurls.
But of course, after becoming dependent on her for everything, you'd be a total retard to let it all go. And so you apologise unreservedly (not once but twice!) for any comments that may have hurt her fragile sensibilities.
She relents. You never had any doubt that she would, though you wonder why she had to broadcast it to every other human being. After all, everyone already knows she's the most wonderful girl in the world even if she is a total bitch.
Oh, it's alright at first. She treats you well. You come home to a warm dinner every evening, have sex every night, experience unbelievable GDP growth etc. It's just freaking bliss. But then one day over dinner, she asks you to comment on her cooking and how she is in the sack. She says, “feel free to speak your mind. I believe in an open relationship. After all, discussion is an exchange of knowledge.” You're impressed by how reasonable she is and by her use of half a quote (the other half is 'argument is an exchange of ignorance') and so you begin. “I suppose the vegetables tend to be overcooked,” holding up a dollop of green sludge that used to be kang kong, “and perhaps you could scream more in bed?” (Ed: this is strictly fictional)
Being the wonderful girl that she is, she reacts to this mild criticism by calmly trying to force your head through a shredder and then, failing that (thankfully), threatens to throw you out of the house. “What did I say wrong?” you ask as she tries to squeeze you through the gate grills. “I don't have to explain myself to you!” she hurls.
But of course, after becoming dependent on her for everything, you'd be a total retard to let it all go. And so you apologise unreservedly (not once but twice!) for any comments that may have hurt her fragile sensibilities.
She relents. You never had any doubt that she would, though you wonder why she had to broadcast it to every other human being. After all, everyone already knows she's the most wonderful girl in the world even if she is a total bitch.
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