Backseat drivers
We’ve had Rodney for about a week. And, yes, Jean, I have ridden him; the whole family has. This isn’t any lewd reference to a daisy chain though! Just thought I needed to clarify that. Anyway, ten seconds into my maiden drive, I managed to mount a kerb, much to the consternation of my sister. But what does she know about drifting, even if it’s just out of a carpark.
If there’s one thing I’ve learnt with all this driving, it’s that backseat drivers are, like genital warts, irritating as hell. I’ve been told to “go slower” while travelling at a measly 60km/h, banned from the rightmost lane because it is “stressful” to drive there (for whom I wonder), and commanded not to turn so close to the divider. The adjectives “scary”, “reckless” and “dangerous” have all been applied liberally when I’ve been at the wheel. Not a minute goes by without some warning being issued or some gory scenario being illustrated or someone telling someone else to basically shut up. You know how you often read about drivers who crash and only manage to kill the people at the back? Those aren’t accidents. They’re solutions.
Unfortunately, I haven’t yet mastered the fine art of losing my backend and swinging it into a tree. The last thing I wanna do is yell “Die, you vapid halfwits!”, twist the wheel and impale myself on a branch. So, for now at least, if you see a red Swift crawling along in lane 4 of the CTE at 55km/h, do me a favour and crash into my rear. Hard.
If there’s one thing I’ve learnt with all this driving, it’s that backseat drivers are, like genital warts, irritating as hell. I’ve been told to “go slower” while travelling at a measly 60km/h, banned from the rightmost lane because it is “stressful” to drive there (for whom I wonder), and commanded not to turn so close to the divider. The adjectives “scary”, “reckless” and “dangerous” have all been applied liberally when I’ve been at the wheel. Not a minute goes by without some warning being issued or some gory scenario being illustrated or someone telling someone else to basically shut up. You know how you often read about drivers who crash and only manage to kill the people at the back? Those aren’t accidents. They’re solutions.
Unfortunately, I haven’t yet mastered the fine art of losing my backend and swinging it into a tree. The last thing I wanna do is yell “Die, you vapid halfwits!”, twist the wheel and impale myself on a branch. So, for now at least, if you see a red Swift crawling along in lane 4 of the CTE at 55km/h, do me a favour and crash into my rear. Hard.
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But whatever I know about genital warts, I've learnt from you.
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