Documentaries
I watched two documentaries on string theory yesterday and the only two things I’ve learnt are that (1) the Universe is a wonderfully intricate and mysterious place and (2) I am incredibly stupid. Because I really had, and still have, no idea what all those damned physicists were going on about. Matter isn’t made up of particles but instead of tiny vibrating strings? What?! This isn’t something you can just shrug and accept. And while I’m still reeling from the discovery that I am basically one huge guitar, I get bombarded by the revelation that for string theory or rather all the variants of string theory to be unified, there needs to be eleven dimensions in what is called the M-theory, Eleven! The only thing I’ve ever known with that many dimensions is Pamela Anderson.
All this wackiness has made me suspect that despite their straight-laced appearance, scientists really do know how to have some fun. No one knows what the “M” in M-theory stands for. It could be magical or mad or master or membrane, but I know for a fact that it really means marijuana. Therefore a Big Bang is what you experience when you inhale too quickly and fall off your stool. A supernova is observed when you repeatedly use your lighter as an ashtray. And black holes are people who’ve suddenly quit and taken all their weed with them.
Having had my ego demolished, I then decided to watch a documentary on stupidity. Initially, this was fascinating in the I-like-to-see-people-crap-on-other-people type of way but, trust me, the fascination quickly wears off. And then I got asked the question: “What is stupidity?” whereupon my brain tried valiantly to fend off the inevitable with moves like “Huh?” and “Whassat again?” before giving up and yelping like a dog.
So I don’t know what stupidity is and I don’t know what string theory is. But then again, I don’t think you do either.
All this wackiness has made me suspect that despite their straight-laced appearance, scientists really do know how to have some fun. No one knows what the “M” in M-theory stands for. It could be magical or mad or master or membrane, but I know for a fact that it really means marijuana. Therefore a Big Bang is what you experience when you inhale too quickly and fall off your stool. A supernova is observed when you repeatedly use your lighter as an ashtray. And black holes are people who’ve suddenly quit and taken all their weed with them.
Having had my ego demolished, I then decided to watch a documentary on stupidity. Initially, this was fascinating in the I-like-to-see-people-crap-on-other-people type of way but, trust me, the fascination quickly wears off. And then I got asked the question: “What is stupidity?” whereupon my brain tried valiantly to fend off the inevitable with moves like “Huh?” and “Whassat again?” before giving up and yelping like a dog.
So I don’t know what stupidity is and I don’t know what string theory is. But then again, I don’t think you do either.
1 Comments:
The Earth is either a huge orchestra or one gigantic g-string. String theory is when one gets a wedgie from wearing a thong. And I don't mean flip-flops.
I thought you should've known what the M in M-Theory stood for! Manatee! Tsk, tsk.
Or otherwise known as the Michael Jackson theory. The 11th dimension is the number of times he's had a nose job.
A Black Hole is what Michael saw in his account after all the lawsuits. A Supernova was how he felt when he waved his kid over a balcony. High, high like a butterfly. The Big Bang was when he invited all the little boys to Wacko Jacko's Neverland. I should be a world famous artist with all the crap theories I churned out. And you an internationally acclaimed critic of all that is Odd and Delish.
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