Crocs

Eric Cantona once said “When seagulls follow the trawler, it is because they think sardines will be thrown into the sea.” The universal reaction to this was “WTF?” which is just about how I feel about Crocs.

If you haven’t noticed, people of all ages have been strolling around our shopping malls bedecked in these… well… foot-things. It’s as if ugly has become the new black. Everywhere, left feet are laughing at right feet and vice versa until they pass a shoe mirror whereupon they both start sweating despite the “breathing” quality of the Crocs they’re in.

And to make things worse, Crocs come in almost every colour. This would normally be a good thing if not for the unfortunate fact that no Croc-wearer in the world has any sense of colour coordination whatsoever. I’ve seen people dressed in black shirts, black pants and oh-my-god-are-those-yellow-Crocs. I once tried to help someone like that cross a street because I assumed he was blind.

And then there are those who like red Crocs. Frankly, they might as well be walking around in a pair of placentas because they rank almost the same on the scale of all things distasteful. Sure, red is a hot colour and on a pair of stilettos, it says “I’m so passionate, I could kill.” All it says on a pair of Crocs, however, is “I’ve got the fashion sense of Elton John. And I would like some hot gay sex.”