Ulcer
Once again, a gigantic ulcer has appeared on the right side of my tongue. Which means that I am now talking lye lis. Gaw, eez ees illilayling!
As always, I have been told that this is because I am ‘heaty’ and that I must drink more water and herbal tea which are ‘cooling’. But I don’t see how being heaty can cause an ulcer. Some say that heatiness causes your tongue to swell which increases the chances of you accidentally biting it. Clearly, this is rubbish. Jamie Oliver has a huge tongue but he doesn’t seem to be suffering from ulcers. (It was either Anthony Bourdain or Jeremy Clarkson who made that observation. I don't spend my time looking at other men's tongues.)
Also, I typed “heaty” into that tome of all human knowledge, Wikipedia, and got laughed at. So I typed “oral ulcer” and found that they are caused by such factors as “stress, fatigue, illness, injury from accidental biting, hormonal changes, menstruation, sudden weight loss, food allergies and deficiencies in vitamin B12, iron and folic acid.”
A deficiency in folic acid. Of course! Because of my condition, I take something called methotrexate every week which works by suppressing the metabolism of folic acid. Sure, I take folic acid supplements too but they’re hardly enough to make up for what’s lost. Hence, the ulcer.
Of course, another explanation could be herpes simplex but… uhh… no.
As always, I have been told that this is because I am ‘heaty’ and that I must drink more water and herbal tea which are ‘cooling’. But I don’t see how being heaty can cause an ulcer. Some say that heatiness causes your tongue to swell which increases the chances of you accidentally biting it. Clearly, this is rubbish. Jamie Oliver has a huge tongue but he doesn’t seem to be suffering from ulcers. (It was either Anthony Bourdain or Jeremy Clarkson who made that observation. I don't spend my time looking at other men's tongues.)
Also, I typed “heaty” into that tome of all human knowledge, Wikipedia, and got laughed at. So I typed “oral ulcer” and found that they are caused by such factors as “stress, fatigue, illness, injury from accidental biting, hormonal changes, menstruation, sudden weight loss, food allergies and deficiencies in vitamin B12, iron and folic acid.”
A deficiency in folic acid. Of course! Because of my condition, I take something called methotrexate every week which works by suppressing the metabolism of folic acid. Sure, I take folic acid supplements too but they’re hardly enough to make up for what’s lost. Hence, the ulcer.
Of course, another explanation could be herpes simplex but… uhh… no.
2 Comments:
why not menstruation?
I can't remember when I had one of those. Maybe my ovaries aren't working properly. Must be all that testosterone.
Post a Comment
<< Home