Yes Yes, I Know I'm Famous

I don’t mean to brag but I’ve been told by friends on numerous occasions that I resemble a famous personality.

“You have his eyes,” they say, “and his attitude.” to which I modestly reply, “Bullshit”. (Note that this denial may be accompanied by threats of force or the use of various body parts in a vulgar or offensive manner. I make no apologies.)

Anyway, this well-known persona has been with us for such a long time that he has become part of our culture. His wit is legendary, his laziness even more so. No doubt, the latter is where my (former) friends believe that he and I share an uncanny resemblance. Again, this is merely more horse dung.

And now, much to my dismay, a movie has been made in which he is starring. This has led to an endless barrage of autograph requests and enquiries on the filming process.

Well, dear friends, I am not gonna sign anyone’s butt nor am I going to dignify remarks such as “you’re famous!!” with so much as a wiggle of the nose. All of you deserve, in keeping with the barn animal excrement theme, to be pelted with sheep pellets.

This might seem a tad severe, but when the celebrity is Garfield, hell, why not?