Was limping through the turnstiles at Yio Chu Kang MRT today (football, stubbed toe, the usual) when one of the staff, upon seeing my sports bag, stopped me for one of those random bag checks.

SMRT: [points at my bag then at me] “This is security check. Are you student (pronounced stew-dern)?”

Me: “No.”

SMRT: [starts wagging finger accusingly at my bag in the way that suspicious girlfriends wag at suspicious marks that look like they were inflicted upon your neck by some other girl’s canines] “Not student? Then what is this??”

Me: “Er… it’s a sports bag?”

SMRT: “Open. I need to check.”

Me: [opens bag] “Ball, shoes, towel. That’s it.”

SMRT: [as if discovering final and clinching proof that I am a terrorist disguised very cleverly as a small Chinese guy with a deformed toe] “WHY YOU BRING BALL?!”

Me: [pauses for dramatic effect] “Because… we need… a ball… to play…”

SMRT: [in a somewhat deflated tone] “Oh. You know you cannot take ball and bounce on platform?”

Me: “Yes. That’s why it’s in the bag…”

SMRT: [glares at me] “Go, go, go.”

Geee… Having security measures in place is necessary and all but surely SMRT could get their staff to go about it in a nicer way. You could have them smile for one. You could teach them to be polite for two. And, of course, having a brain installed is an optional three. But maybe that’s pushing it a little.