Another Presidential contender
Had the misfortune of boarding a terribly crowded train the other day. I'd have been late otherwise. 5000 human beings, squashed in a metal tube like faeces in a constipated rectum, hurtling through the darkness. It was most unpleasant. I got caught between a fat dude and a skinny lady. Very delicate situation. I didn't want to touch the fat dude and while I might have wanted to touch the skinny lady, it could've been damaging to my Presidential application. Did I mention the train doors? I was caught between a fat dude, a skinny lady and the train doors. I could barely turn my head.
Out of the corner of my eye, I spied those hated pigs with seats. My head filled with obscenities as I too wanted to be a hated pig. But then I noticed that they were leaning back strenuously to avoid the crotches of those standing in front of them. My head returned to its normal empty state. It would almost have been hilarious had my face not been compressed to the size of a tennis ball. I tried to say “that's what you deserve, buggers!” But what came out was “ack woot oo ee errre uh-ershhhh”. Sounded like a damned fool. And so I shut up.
Till the fat dude let out a sibilant fart which brought a tirade of groans and shuffling of feet all over the place as people reeled and took up even more space because they were holding their necks. I feared for my life as well as that the fumes would stain my white shirt yellow. Meanwhile, the thin lady beside me had taken drastic evasive action. Her head was in her bag. How ingenious! My head, despite being the size of a tennis ball, still couldn't fit in my bag. No wisecracks, John. And so I pressed it even more snugly against the door hoping to snuff out the smell. The fat dude, after purveying the death and destruction his misdemeanour had caused, got off gleefully at the next stop while the rest of us asphyxiated. It is people like him who will make it to the top. A true Presidential contender.
Out of the corner of my eye, I spied those hated pigs with seats. My head filled with obscenities as I too wanted to be a hated pig. But then I noticed that they were leaning back strenuously to avoid the crotches of those standing in front of them. My head returned to its normal empty state. It would almost have been hilarious had my face not been compressed to the size of a tennis ball. I tried to say “that's what you deserve, buggers!” But what came out was “ack woot oo ee errre uh-ershhhh”. Sounded like a damned fool. And so I shut up.
Till the fat dude let out a sibilant fart which brought a tirade of groans and shuffling of feet all over the place as people reeled and took up even more space because they were holding their necks. I feared for my life as well as that the fumes would stain my white shirt yellow. Meanwhile, the thin lady beside me had taken drastic evasive action. Her head was in her bag. How ingenious! My head, despite being the size of a tennis ball, still couldn't fit in my bag. No wisecracks, John. And so I pressed it even more snugly against the door hoping to snuff out the smell. The fat dude, after purveying the death and destruction his misdemeanour had caused, got off gleefully at the next stop while the rest of us asphyxiated. It is people like him who will make it to the top. A true Presidential contender.
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