In order to counter the atrophying effect Harry Potter has on my mind, I decided to browse through a few of my old philosophy textbooks and was reminded rather rudely that:
1. my mind may very well be bubbling away in a vat in some evil scientist’s lab.
2. all of you may be mere figments of my imagination.
3. the King of France may or may not be bald.
4. I never really understood ANY of my philosophy texts.
However, I’ve managed to deal with all this in the most sensible manner possible i.e. by not thinking about it. Nonetheless, I’ve endeavoured to re-read Kierkegaard’s Fear and Trembling if only to prove point #4. I suppose that Kierkegaard (with his existentialist tendencies and what not) deals with points #1 and #2 somewhat. I’ve never really known what existentialism means but it surely seems like he’s taking things (and himself) way too seriously.
(It’s been 3 days since I started and I’m at page 32 which makes for an average of slightly more than 10 pages per day. This, needless to say, is comparable to the rate at which a dyslexic gerbil might read Noam Chomsky. And surprise surprise, I’m still at the introduction written by the translator!)
Oh yes, I’ve also been reading the crap listed below and, of course, doing work, which consists mainly of more reading but with the enjoyable addition of making assorted markings in indelible red ink.
Why do women live longer than men?
Philosophy Comics
Young solar systems are like cosmic snooker games, and the universe is flat
Book-A-Minute Classics
English teachers have the inconsiderate habit of assigning mammoth-sized works of literature to read and then actually expecting you to do it. This wouldn't be so bad except that invariably the requisite reading is as boring as fly fishing in an empty lake. Half of those books don't even have discernible plots. And let's face it -- the Cliff's Notes are pretty time-consuming too. Worry no more. Your troubles are over. We here at Book-A-Minute Classics have come up with a solution. We've taken all kinds of great works of literature and boiled them down to their essence, extracting all the filler (and believe me, there's a lot of it sometimes). In just one minute, you can read entire books and learn everything your teachers will expect you to know.
Here’s an example of a one-minute book.
Gandalf
Bilbo Baggins, your Ring is evil. In a couple decades, we'll try to destroy it. In the meantime, leave it for Frodo to play with.
Bilbo Baggins
It's not evil. It's mine. My precious. Mine! MINE, I TELL YOU!! MOOHOOHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
(Frodo takes it to RIVENDELL. Some FRIENDS come with him. They are attacked by black riders a LOT, and it is SCARY.)
Elrond
Frodo Baggins, if Sauron ever gets this Ring, the world will be destroyed, and evil will reign forever. We must act quickly. Take the Ring to where he lives.
(They do some travelling. Some more FRIENDS come with him. Gandalf DIES in the mines of Moria, but will later be RESURRECTED in GLORIFIED form having triumphed over EVIL, an obvious literary ALLUSION to that movie where the guy comes back as a DOG.)
Boromir
Frodo Baggins, give me the Ring.
Frodo
No.
Boromir
What have I done? (dies)
A bunch of films featuring the BMW Z4. (Yes, I know they’re kinda old.)
I somehow couldn’t stop laughing after reading this definition.
lemming - Any of various small, thickset rodents, especially of the genus Lemmus, inhabiting northern regions and known for periodic mass migrations that sometimes end in drowning.
1. my mind may very well be bubbling away in a vat in some evil scientist’s lab.
2. all of you may be mere figments of my imagination.
3. the King of France may or may not be bald.
4. I never really understood ANY of my philosophy texts.
However, I’ve managed to deal with all this in the most sensible manner possible i.e. by not thinking about it. Nonetheless, I’ve endeavoured to re-read Kierkegaard’s Fear and Trembling if only to prove point #4. I suppose that Kierkegaard (with his existentialist tendencies and what not) deals with points #1 and #2 somewhat. I’ve never really known what existentialism means but it surely seems like he’s taking things (and himself) way too seriously.
(It’s been 3 days since I started and I’m at page 32 which makes for an average of slightly more than 10 pages per day. This, needless to say, is comparable to the rate at which a dyslexic gerbil might read Noam Chomsky. And surprise surprise, I’m still at the introduction written by the translator!)
Oh yes, I’ve also been reading the crap listed below and, of course, doing work, which consists mainly of more reading but with the enjoyable addition of making assorted markings in indelible red ink.
Why do women live longer than men?
Philosophy Comics
Young solar systems are like cosmic snooker games, and the universe is flat
Book-A-Minute Classics
English teachers have the inconsiderate habit of assigning mammoth-sized works of literature to read and then actually expecting you to do it. This wouldn't be so bad except that invariably the requisite reading is as boring as fly fishing in an empty lake. Half of those books don't even have discernible plots. And let's face it -- the Cliff's Notes are pretty time-consuming too. Worry no more. Your troubles are over. We here at Book-A-Minute Classics have come up with a solution. We've taken all kinds of great works of literature and boiled them down to their essence, extracting all the filler (and believe me, there's a lot of it sometimes). In just one minute, you can read entire books and learn everything your teachers will expect you to know.
Here’s an example of a one-minute book.
Gandalf
Bilbo Baggins, your Ring is evil. In a couple decades, we'll try to destroy it. In the meantime, leave it for Frodo to play with.
Bilbo Baggins
It's not evil. It's mine. My precious. Mine! MINE, I TELL YOU!! MOOHOOHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
(Frodo takes it to RIVENDELL. Some FRIENDS come with him. They are attacked by black riders a LOT, and it is SCARY.)
Elrond
Frodo Baggins, if Sauron ever gets this Ring, the world will be destroyed, and evil will reign forever. We must act quickly. Take the Ring to where he lives.
(They do some travelling. Some more FRIENDS come with him. Gandalf DIES in the mines of Moria, but will later be RESURRECTED in GLORIFIED form having triumphed over EVIL, an obvious literary ALLUSION to that movie where the guy comes back as a DOG.)
Boromir
Frodo Baggins, give me the Ring.
Frodo
No.
Boromir
What have I done? (dies)
A bunch of films featuring the BMW Z4. (Yes, I know they’re kinda old.)
I somehow couldn’t stop laughing after reading this definition.
lemming - Any of various small, thickset rodents, especially of the genus Lemmus, inhabiting northern regions and known for periodic mass migrations that sometimes end in drowning.
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