Children are a waste of time
As I was listening to Tenacious D on the train this evening, another sort of scream pierced my Cresyn earphones, blew my ear drums out of my nostrils and then proceeded to bounce around inside my cranial cavity. It was a child. And I, along with a whole cabin of disgruntled passengers, wanted to kill it. And yet, its parents seemed curiously unaffected. I assumed that they must be deaf but then deaf people don’t talk on the phone. They must be stupid then because they didn’t realise that about fifty people were quite ready to forcefully wring the air out of their windpipes and then do the same to their offspring.
Frankly, children ought to be disciplined from as young an age as possible. Crying might be a child’s way of asking for a feed or some otherwise legitimate attention. But children learn to lie young and some cry just so that they can rejoice in some parental fawning. Plainly, we can’t have any of that. Crying for anything other than food or a nappy change should be rewarded by mashing the culprit’s head into a grater. If your child still fails to change its ways, then you should turn Christian. Because then you’d have an excuse to stone it.
I, though, wouldn’t bother with children. Certainly, looking at myself, I wonder why my mother ever bothered with me. And anyway, if you believe all the horrific predictions that are floating around the cable news ether, bringing more human beings into this world probably isn’t worth it. After all, in fifty years, we’ll all be swimming around in one huge ocean because the bloody ice caps have melted – if we make it that far. A far likelier scenario is that George Bush and his madcap rightwing loonies would have long ago condemned us all to hell in one huge nuclear inferno.
And besides, not having kids means that I’ll never face one of those “Yes, Daddy surfs porn too. Now get out!” moments.
Children, then, are a waste of time and we should all be content with having cats. They’re far less noisy, far less smelly and they won’t mind even if you spend all your time looking at naked women.
Frankly, children ought to be disciplined from as young an age as possible. Crying might be a child’s way of asking for a feed or some otherwise legitimate attention. But children learn to lie young and some cry just so that they can rejoice in some parental fawning. Plainly, we can’t have any of that. Crying for anything other than food or a nappy change should be rewarded by mashing the culprit’s head into a grater. If your child still fails to change its ways, then you should turn Christian. Because then you’d have an excuse to stone it.
I, though, wouldn’t bother with children. Certainly, looking at myself, I wonder why my mother ever bothered with me. And anyway, if you believe all the horrific predictions that are floating around the cable news ether, bringing more human beings into this world probably isn’t worth it. After all, in fifty years, we’ll all be swimming around in one huge ocean because the bloody ice caps have melted – if we make it that far. A far likelier scenario is that George Bush and his madcap rightwing loonies would have long ago condemned us all to hell in one huge nuclear inferno.
And besides, not having kids means that I’ll never face one of those “Yes, Daddy surfs porn too. Now get out!” moments.
Children, then, are a waste of time and we should all be content with having cats. They’re far less noisy, far less smelly and they won’t mind even if you spend all your time looking at naked women.
4 Comments:
haahhaha..that entry is so full of...."You".. I would disgree that a cat smells better than a child though~ well given that he/she didn't just come prancing to you after PE..
I still get double vision after reading ur blog from the black base white text thingy... *dizzy*
Spare the rod and spoil the child.
It's a pity nobody canes kids anymore. Tykes are best seen and not heard.
You should've towered over and glared him/her/it into silence. But then, you'll probably feel differently if it were your kid. Heh.
On the contrary, nut. Cat saliva has a detergent-like quality which keeps them smelling alright. Granted, their butts stink to the heavens but I suspect children don’t fare any better in that department.
And I suspect your astigmatism is too high.
I think i prefer a johnson's baby powder baby to a okay smelling cat..
and yes.. my astigmatism is very high.. Wait, does that mean I'm the only person with the double vision thingy after reading?
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