We won, finally.

Yesterday, we officially won that serviced apartments pitch I was complaining about incessantly a few weeks back. And the client specified that we won it because of the copy. News like that, to a somewhat down and out writer, is as good as taking a puff of something special.

Now the work begins.

But first, I gotta watch some more Stephen Colbert.

Death is overrated.

Saw this in the copy sheet from a freelance writer a few months back.

“A good insurance plan can help you deal with setbacks in life such as illness, disability and death.”

And all this while I’ve been thinking that death is the end. Silly me. Why, I should sign up for that very policy right now and then when I die, I’ll just grab the money, get back on my feet and continue living my life.

And then there was another one a few weeks back in a brochure of ours.

“Can cause serious and sometimes permanent disabilities including hearing loss, paralysis, mental retardation and death.”

Well, being dead can be quite troublesome, I suppose. The general limpness and lethargy followed by the stench. That also means that if I get the aforementioned plan, I qualify for double the benefits.

24 facts about me

I’ve been tagged by Jean which means I’m supposed to reveal 24 facts/things/habits about myself then tag six other people. Here goes:

1. The circumference of my head as measured from 2cm above my eyebrows is 52cm. (Yes, you bastards can laugh all you want.)

2. I have nine toe nails. My right big toe doesn’t have one because it’s been kicked out too many times during football. At least, that seems the case.

3. My dad used to be a pastor. Fell to the ways of the world, as they like to say, then crashed and burned. No big loss to the Christian community, I can assure you.

4. If I spy a fish soup stall that I’ve never tried before, chances are that I’ll try it.

5. To me, the existence of karaoke is a scourge on our planet which should be eradicated as soon as possible. This is partly because I sing like a cow.

6. Of all my girlfriends past and present, only one didn’t wear specs.

7. I listen almost exclusively to male singers.

8. I staunchly support Newcastle United in the English Premier League though it has caused me much grief in recent seasons.

9. I still have no idea what I’m doing in advertising.

10. If I could choose an alternative career, it would be that of a deep sea explorer. Not the type that dons wetsuits and scuba gear, the type who sits in a submersible and goes around trying to catch weird fish with those crane-redemption-like appendages.

11. I don’t know why I blog.

12. I can’t cycle with one hand off the handlebar for any amount of time which means that if my nose starts itching halfway through a ride, that’s the way it’s gonna stay.

13. I won’t eat prawns unless they’re fried as fritters or used in dim sum.

14. The only time I’m not sleepy is when I’m sleeping.

15. I trip over my words at times. Not because my brain is moving too quickly for my mouth but because it’s not moving at all.

16. I would like to own a VW Golf someday.

17. Thunder and lightning. Very very frightening. So my vote went elsewhere.

18. I love live music. Except if it’s in a KTV lounge. See fact #5.

19. I suck at drinking games whether it’s 5-10, dice etc. See here.

20. I play the guitar and moo to myself whenever I’m alone at home. Softly, of course.

21. I can go for months without reading a single book.

22. My best friends are those I can spend hours with without saying a word. You know who you are.

23. As far as possible, I avoid touching food with my hands – I have perfected the art of eating KFC with a fork and spoon.

24. I don’t know myself well enough cos thinking up these 24 facts was an absolute pain!

And I tag the six others on my blog list other than Jean. They don’t read my blog though. I’ll have to text them. The assholes.

When the dog bites, when the bee stings, when I’m feeling sad

I simply remember my favourite things (many of which are on Ananova), and then I don’t feel so bad.

Such as the priest they found in a strip club.

Or Wayne Rooney.

Or this dude who paints with his dick – I’m never using the phrase “broad stroke” again.

Ok. They’re not laugh out loud funny but they sure beat killing stuff.

Fuck Up

This is brilliant. The moment I post that entry on typos, I miss one in our very own recruitment ad and it goes out to print. “Applications close 19 May 2005”. Two thousand fucking five. Oddly enough, that didn’t stop people from writing in. Just as well that we weren’t hiring copywriters though I suspect we might very well soon be. Crap.

Some Typos

I like typos. They make proofreading rewarding. But they can also be costly. Thus, take note that:

One must never asses a situation.

There is no such thing as an accunt executive. At least, that’s what we like to think.

Gucci doesn’t sell posh handbangs. Those can be found near my workplace.

Most companies have no need for anyone’s martial status.

One should refrain from promoting the consumption of delicious Peking fucks.

The government sector should never be referred to as the pubic service. It makes the whole thing sound decidedly hairy.

Mobile phones do not often have a handy cock display on the front.

Some digital cameras ensure clear photos but not because of their anti-sock technology.

I suppose I should have more but the dredger in my brain only goes so deep. Blasted oxtail lunch is making things rather swimmy up there.