Thursday, February 23, 2006

What to expect

Went down to the new agency to sign my appointment letter today and the GM gave me a brief prep talk. It’s interesting to know that he used to be a writer as well before hopping over to client services. That’s already a good start. I’ve seen agencies run by advertising ignoramuses to whom the word “concept” is as fathomable as, say, the word “eleemosynary”. They’ve managed to survive simply by repeating “integrated maah-keting communications” ad nauseam in a fake American accent. And pricing themselves way below market rate, of course. Which means they’ve gotten hold of a bunch of elite clients with no money and the combined intelligence of a wombat. But, as long as they believe they’re going somewhere, peace be with them.

Anyway, the point I wanted to make was that a discerning servicing team is absolutely crucial. In my first agency, copy-led ads were a no-no simply cos they couldn’t read. And when they did eventually choose a concept to present, it was the one we’d all agreed beforehand was the worst of the lot. This led to much pencil chewing and ancestor cursing.

Of course, in this new environment, there’ll be pressure to produce better ideas. Probably even award-winning ones which is as exciting as it is unnerving. But that’s the way it should be. I’m there to get better at what I do and I’m very aware that, right now, I have all the creative know-how of a potted plant. Hopefully, of course, with the right guidance and exposure, that potted plant will eventually bloom and bear fruit and be home to pigeons which will crap on other people’s heads.

And then there’s the issue of money. The GM was very direct when he told me that he is under no illusion that any of us are in it just for the job satisfaction. It’s all about the money. I nodded heartily at this, which was probably uncalled for. Anyway, he went on to tell me that he believes in rewarding his staff. Apparently, the outgoing writer got four increments in the space of just one and a half years which I think is brilliant. I got two increments in a year at my first agency but that was only after I’d threatened to set the CEO on fire. Twice. And yet here, they’re giving increments out like candy. I know all this may just be the sugar coating on the dungball but at least there’s a sugar coating.

And so I signed the letter gladly. Then, feeling very pleased with myself, I made my exit, found my way to the bus stop and promptly hopped onto the wrong bus. Which meant that instead of getting to Peninsular Plaza, which was my original intended destination, I found myself fidgeting and muttering at Hougang Interchange. Somehow,and despite another brief setback in the form of a flash downpour, I eventually made it back to the office. So now I’m wet, cold, and smelling like a cow. But at least there’s something to look forward to.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

“We walked past cunts just now.” she said. “Er… well… ahh… Cunts? I suppose there were a few around.” I stammered, pointing at a few women. “Han’s lar! Not cunts!” she screamed and swatted me like a fly.

Monday, February 20, 2006

Boggle

I know it's horribly boastful but look at this! The nick’s “I own a Bentley”, by the way. Hint: It’s at the top.

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Yes, I am a boggling god. Or is it boggle god? Until the very next round, that is, when Jamie beat me flat and deflated my head. She’s the face type thing at number one.

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Friday, February 17, 2006

Dilemma

I’ve had my interview earlier than expected. He called me at three-ish and so I hopped down to this place called Sports Ballz. Yes. Ballz with a “z”. And we had a chat. He’s keen on taking me on and I, in turn, would relish working with him. The problem is that the salary he’s offering is substantially lower than what I asked for. So the question now is whether I should hold out for a better offer somewhere else or take this chance to work with someone I really believe can be a good mentor. Right now, I'm more inclined to take the plunge but still there's lots of thinking to be done over the weekend again. This time, however, I’d be more than glad to.

Two-line Friday

It’s Friday and I have resolved to do as little work as I can possibly get away with. Thus far, I have written a grand total of two lines and am feeling rather pleased with myself. In fact, as I write this, I’m enjoying a steaming hot cup of tea. Very much in the English way except that it’s…er… xiang pian and not Earl Grey. And I have no crumpets or fresh cream.

Actually, tea isn’t the ideal drink for me. It goes in at one end and comes out the other in the space of roughly 6 and a half minutes. I’d be better off just pouring the whole cup down the urinal. But that defeats the purpose, doesn’t it? Besides, drinking tea makes me feel like I’m doing something good for my body. What with all the anti-oxidants and cholesterol lowering properties it’s touted to have. If I carry on this way, I’ll outlive all of my grandchildren who will doubtlessly grow up on a diet of fast food and soot.

Speaking of the future, this vid is cool stuff. With all those hand motions, though the next generation will still die young, they’ll at least be good fun on Mambo night.

Interview over a pint

I have an interview tomorrow. And though my stomach is supposed to be filled with fluttery, colourful, six-legged things and my mouth should be twitching involuntarily, I am surprisingly calm. So calm, in fact, that I’ve just woken up in a puddle of drool with creases on my face.

I wonder why there’s no fluster this time. Maybe it’s cos I sorta know my interviewer. Or maybe I’ve simply had too many interviews, all of which have just been a matter of saying hello to the boss and then handing over my portfolio. But this one’s a little different. We won’t be meeting in his office, or mine, or the coffeeshop downstairs. We’ll be meeting in a pub.

I don’t know about you but I’ve never been interviewed in a pub before. It’s like eating duck with chocolate sauce. Just doesn’t really feel right. And how on earth is he gonna read my copy in that type of lighting? I have half the mind to go over all the words now in luminous ink. But that’ll just make him think my book’s a Halloween party or Boy George’s face.

One more thing about being interviewed in a pub – small talk. You order a Heineken, he orders a Stella. You pass him your book and you take a few nervous sips. He, being busy with your book, doesn’t touch his beer. When he’s done, he closes your folder and hands it back to you with a smile. You smile back and place it in your bag. THEN WHAT?! There’re two pints of beer to finish up, mind you. Talk about your “passion” for advertising? Ask him about his family? Tell him that you have a dog and a cat and that dog poo and cat poo are actually like chalk and cheese?

I am absolutely rubbish at small talk. Don’t ask me why. I just can’t do it which pretty much screws up my networking opportunities. I’m amazed at how some people can introduce themselves to you and not 15 minutes later reveal the size of their mum’s undies or some other obscure fact. It’s horrifying.

But wait. Back to my interview. Yes. I am totally unprepared but heck. If it happens it happens. If not, then I’ll just muck about where I am for a bit longer. Right now, I just need a good list of small talk topics.