Was limping through the turnstiles at Yio Chu Kang MRT today (football, stubbed toe, the usual) when one of the staff, upon seeing my sports bag, stopped me for one of those random bag checks.

SMRT: [points at my bag then at me] “This is security check. Are you student (pronounced stew-dern)?”

Me: “No.”

SMRT: [starts wagging finger accusingly at my bag in the way that suspicious girlfriends wag at suspicious marks that look like they were inflicted upon your neck by some other girl’s canines] “Not student? Then what is this??”

Me: “Er… it’s a sports bag?”

SMRT: “Open. I need to check.”

Me: [opens bag] “Ball, shoes, towel. That’s it.”

SMRT: [as if discovering final and clinching proof that I am a terrorist disguised very cleverly as a small Chinese guy with a deformed toe] “WHY YOU BRING BALL?!”

Me: [pauses for dramatic effect] “Because… we need… a ball… to play…”

SMRT: [in a somewhat deflated tone] “Oh. You know you cannot take ball and bounce on platform?”

Me: “Yes. That’s why it’s in the bag…”

SMRT: [glares at me] “Go, go, go.”

Geee… Having security measures in place is necessary and all but surely SMRT could get their staff to go about it in a nicer way. You could have them smile for one. You could teach them to be polite for two. And, of course, having a brain installed is an optional three. But maybe that’s pushing it a little.

I don't know why I'm here

That describes this particular action of posting this entry, and also my experiences with other people's computers. If you are wondering why Joel sounds funny here, scroll down a little and discover that it is me, not him.

ANyway, was off fixing another computer today, and lo and behold, everything just seemed to work when I arrived. I think computers have a mind of their own. I like helping ppl subdue Windows, but Windows chooses to work when I am around. It happens to everyone.. just try bringing your motherboard or graphics card to SLS when you think its spoilt. The ah beng at the shop will plug it in, and it'll work, no problems. It's a mystery.

ALong the same vein, why does a company with macs have restrictions on what their employees use? It's not as if they can infect OS X with viruses? I think it works this way. Companies that use all Apple computers (for even non-designers) must be rich. Rich companies will have IT staff, ie MIS. MIS will be kia see and impose restrictions. Frustrated employees will not be able to use MSN because OS X does not have that pre-installed (muahaha!). OK, enough about the problem. Here is a possible solution:

• Call the IT dude saying that you have a problem with your MS Word (I'm assuming you use MS Word)
  
• When he arrives, he will check. Naturally it will be fine. Just say you can't view chinese characters on it. It he says it can, tell him you need sanskrit as well.
  
• He will log out, or switch user to admin to install the languages. At this point, stand where you can see what he is typing. If you didn't catch it before he presses enter, distract him, then backspace a few times. He will have to type it again.
  
• Log in as admin to install whatever you need

ANother way is to boot up to Linux using a live CD. Here's a link to a list of them. You will of course need to have the program you want to install handy on a thumb drive or something. Also, arrive before the IT guy.

Get real chummy with the IT guy. That's a sure way. Nothing like connections to get things done.

browser based MSN. Probably the best bet.

My 2nd last day at work and I don’t know whether to feel happy or sad that I’m leaving. I know that I won’t miss the job at all nor the pay, of which there is too little to miss anyway, but I’m definitely gonna miss the people that I'll be leaving. Here’re some of them in alphabetical order.

Adrian
Easily the person I’ve learnt the most from in the past year. I’ll be forever grateful for his guidance and patience.

Having said that, he is also full of crap. He supports Liverpool for one (get yourself a real team). He can’t get enough of over-priced watches and he’s constantly trying to get his hands on Carine’s MP3 player.

Anita
Her laughter (when she laughs, the world either laughs with her or loses its collective mind), snide remarks and FUSSINESS are the stuff of legend.

Still, she’s a good colleague to have. As long as her laughter, snide remarks and fussiness aren’t directed at you, that is.

Carine
She of the double-nouns e.g. bear bear, ball ball, countless Adidas bags and a distressing tendency to address her monitor in murmurs.

She’s only been here roughly two months but we’ve come to be good friends (if I dare say so) in that time. She speaks like a kid (though telling that to her face could mean having it swatted) and acts like one or as Gavin said to her, “You’re a bloody cartoon character”.

No complaints though. It’s all been very entertaining even if my arm has been scarred by her accursed red pen too many times.

Gavin
His enthusiasm for the job is matched only by his appetite. Sometimes though, I think he has too much faith in my writing ability. I’m not ALL that interested in the jobs most of the time though that doesn’t seem to faze him.

Boisterous, happy-go-lucky, encouraging. Apparently not very good with rearing guppies. The first unfortunate baby guppy got flushed down the toilet bowl. The next 25 or so have winded up dead though I’m not sure exactly how.

Jason
Jason is cheerful. At any given moment in time, he is always ready to smile or laugh or both. The only exception being the time when he slammed his table and left the office in a huff. (It might be noted that Gavin, upon seeing the two hum ji peng that Jason had so cruelly left behind, promptly swallowed them before suddenly realising that if Jason were to return, having finally cooled down, only to find his breakfast missing, he might just storm off again.)

Jason also has the habit of being tuned in to Suria while the rest of us are talking Channel 5. Once when I was discussing my new job, he proclaimed that he wanted to have shao rou fan for lunch. I can’t remember other instances of this though. Weird.

I’ve probably missed out some people. But you’re either too new or I just haven’t had the chance to get to know you.

One more thing. My farewell lunch is gonna be at Kuishin Bo. Hohoho.
Ok. Corny. Never mind.

Yesterday, my attempt to order a foot-long meatball sandwich at Subway came out as “Hi, I’d like a football meat… Did I just say football?!”. I’ve never seen anyone whose job scope involves mainly stuffing things into bread laugh so hard. Damn mix-ups. Reminds me of the time Adrian said to me, “Don’t just do something. Stand there!” Or when Derras went up to an “I’m lovin’ it” counter and said, “I’d like a large-sized medium Coke, please.” At least one service staff was forced to turn around so he could laugh without losing his job.

No time to blog. Busy: that most horrible of states to be in. However, all work and no play makes me a you-know-what. Thus, I went to KL for a bit, ate my stomach into quivering submission, drank copious amounts of teh and bought ten t-shirts. *laughs madly* Don’t ask me what the point of that was.

The creative team's got a new pitch to handle. It's some beverage from goodness-knows-where. The thing is that the TVCs and the print ads have already been done by a previous agency which leaves me wondering what the hell they need us for. Still, I guess outdoor can be fun. The only placement I can think of is a product shot placed above urinals with the headline “REFILL” in large bold letters. Very very bad. Still, you’ve gotta get it wrong to get it right except, with a week left of my notice, I can’t really be bothered to get it right. Over the course of the brainstorming sessions, we did manage to come up with some decent print ads though. Yes, I know they’re not needed. Still, they’d make nice additions to my book which is sorely lacking in anything close to quality.

And now what. I’ve got a damn IT training promotion campaign whatchamacallit to write. How interesting. Brochures, websites, flyers. I am absolutely gurgling with delight. The bloody asses. I will go write now.

Crazy Rabbit
Still good for a few minutes fun.

Banned Books Online
Perfect for a bored copywriter.

The Cynic’s Sanctuary

Yesterday, we had to bring Nike, our large-eared, large-eyed and refreshingly small-brained cat, to the vet for his annual checkup. After a few games of hide-and-seek, or more accurately, ambush-pounce-and-squish-into-pet-carrier-nose-tail-and-all, we were on our way.

The vet was surprisingly warm with a smile that never left her face. After we’d finally extricated the quivering feline from the carrier, she started squeezing and squishing him all over the place before commenting, rather unexpectedly if you ask me, that Nike had a big head. I helpfully pointed out (via a finger in the direction of my sister’s head) that this was a trait that ran in the family. That got me swatted.

Not knowing what to make of all this, the vet continued with the examination. She poked Nike’s thighs, scoured his face and measured his heart rate before announcing that he was overweight. “Can you count the number of ribs he has?” she asked my sis who, after much prodding and pushing, declared decisively that Nike had precisely one rib. This elicited more finger-pointing from my mom and me at my sis for feeding him too much. Thankfully for her, the vet came to the rescue. Apparently, any pet food you can find in supermarkets, e.g. Whiskas and Friskies, while tasting good, is also high in salt and fat. “They’re the equivalent of Mcdonald’s for pets” was the way she put it.

Now came the nasty part – the jab. I was unceremoniously tasked with scratching Nike behind the ears while my mom and sis all of a sudden found their watch faces hypnotically amazing. The jab itself was over in a second (Nike didn’t feel a thing) but I just had to join the vet in staring at them staring at their watches for a bit before announcing that they could look up now.

So anyway, Nike’s healthy overall, if a bit overweight. He needs to lose about a kilogram (he weighs roughly 6kg now which apparently is huge for a cat), exercise more and change his diet. How many times have we heard that before?