We won fishhead curry and a book

The company outing was yesterday (just) and we went bowling. There were prizes up for grabs and so each team tried its best. I bowled a spectacular game as usual, coming 2nd behind Adrian (not the contributor on this blog) with a whopping score of 68 in the first game. What? Not impressed? Ah well, bowling’s not my game. Skinny wrists and a bad back don’t help at all.

But anyway, the creative team won overall thanks largely to Adrian’s accuracy and Jason’s brutality on the lanes with Eileen holding her own and me sitting the 2nd game out cos my wrist was starting to swell. Long story.

So fishhead curry awaits on Monday and hopefully, just hopefully, a shopping spree at Basheer with the $100 we’re supposed to have won. That works out to about one book but it’s better than nothing.

This is a screenshot of my desktop at work. Other than the ultra-cool Heineken Green Room wallpaper, the number of hugely boring jobs I have yet to do and the fact that I’m busy reading soccernet, you might also have noticed that, yes, Jolene is bz doing ass…

The Son Rises

[From the Economist]
Strange how the new Mr. Lee looks remarkably like the old one.

(Excerpts)
“He is the son of Singapore' s founding father, Lee Kuan Yew, and shares his father's measured, practical and technocratic approach to government. He also shares a somewhat condescending, didactic bent, and a tendency to chide and admonish rather than charm and encourage.”

While Mr. Goh reminds me of that friendly old principal you often find in primary schools, always willing to offer sagely advice with a smile, Mr. Lee Jr. resembles a young hotshot discipline master, ever-ready to thwack you across the knuckles for tapping your fingers on the table.

“He claims to want a more vigorous public debate, but promises to “demolish” any critic who undermines the government's standing.”

And you wonder why Singaporeans don’t have an opinion. I don’t see how he can realistically expect any sort of vigorous public debate when some of the participants will constantly have the possibility of “demolishment” hanging over their heads. Yet another case of “Only Hear the Good Stuff” by muting the bad.

“As an example of how the government is prepared to open up, B.G. Lee (as he is often known, thanks to his spell as a brigadier-general) cites a recent relaxation of restrictions on busking and bungee jumping. He also points out that it will soon be easier to register a society, although the government stopped short of doing away with the registration process altogether.”

I suppose People Like Us and other similarly oriented groups shouldn’t get their hopes up just yet. But at least they get to be entertained by the sound of roadside music and the sight of screaming lunatics dangling from giant rubber bands.

Insanity, and not much else

A title like that was bound to happen.

And it really couldn't have happened on a better day. You see, it has finally dawned upon me that the only use I have to the unit I'm in is paper-pushing and stapler-stapling. The funny thing is, what entails from such a job scope is long hours sitting down on an uncomfortable chair, which apparently has been made of diamond-polymer composites giving it the look of a plastic surface and a butt-numbing hardness.

Well, I can't complain I guess, it's better than outfield. Narrowly.

I'm desperately pushing for a 8-5 job, where I get to spend time at home with my family, and hopefully even friends. It a little low on my boss' priority list, and I'm thinking it's likely not to happen within the next few weeks. I regret not pushing for something earlier, because now arrows will be flying toward me by the bagsful as they try to max out my usefulness.

I think I better meet this deadline first, before they skewer me.

"I love deadlines. I love the loud whooshing they make as they fly by."
-Douglas Adams

Pool is a frustrating game. Just when you think you’ve gotten the hang of it, it decides that it’s time to remind you who’s really got the balls. It also makes you constantly come up with stick/ball wisecracks like that.

The laws that govern my game are simple. One good shot is rarely followed by another and two good shots are never EVER, not even if the stars align and cows start producing honey mustard sauce, followed by a third.

But that doesn’t mean I’m not skilled in the game.

Among other amazing on table talents, I have gotten snookering myself down to a fine art. Not even a ball-in-hand can stop me from performing this fine move. This is in addition to such tricks as the “Romeo and Juliet”, where the cue ball, like a bereft teenager, decides to follow its lover into the abyss. And then there’s the tell-your-opponent-you’re-gonna-draw-the-ball-but-play-a-stopshot-instead-leaving-both-stunned shot. Of course, you and him are stunned for different reasons. One’s trying to figure out how he’s managed to snooker himself yet again while the other is occupied mapping out the cruelest/most creative way to inform said one (for the 15th time) that he has as much talent as a crayfish.

Such is the reality of the average pool parlour hacker.

Advertising in the Air

Advertising in the Air is one of those events that makes one feel privileged to be part of the advertising community. Celebrating such amazing work, though filling me with envy, also fills me with hope. It is encouraging to know that, at least for some of us, there really is light at the end of the tunnel. That, sooner or later, we’ll get the opportunity to work for a client with a great product and a great attitude (and a great budget though that isn’t absolutely necessary).

Royston Tan’s “Cut” was hilarious. It voiced out everything that is wrong with this nanny-state mentality we’re stuck with. No doubt it isn’t gonna change anything. (I don’t think anything would change unless, say, we got invaded… er… liberated by the Americans as they have a tendency to do these days.) But at least it’s brought to the censorship board’s attention what the masses think about all this snipping which is, in a nutshell, “CUT IT OUT!”

Ads, Ads and more Glorious Ads. The weird, the wonderful, the painful, the downright unintelligible. Everything was on display. As expected, the Adidas campaign was one of those showcased. I think when you use Muhammad Ali, you’re bound to succeed. But there was that wonderful line too. Impossible is Nothing… you can almost see the thought process.

Copywriter and art-director sit on couch drinking coffee with notepads on table. Either one of them is whistling while the other twiddles a pencil. Deadline’s in an hour.

CW: We’re screwed man.
AD: Yeah. Definitely
CW: Wait… so if I clench my fist really tight, the mosquito won’t be able to stop sucking and explode?
AD: Yeah. Definitely.
CW: Gotta try it once we get this out of the way.
AD: This brief is impossible. (see see?)
CW: Nothing is impossible. (even more see?)
AD: Hmmm…
CW: Hmmm…
AD: Impossible…
CW: Impossible…
AD: is nothing?
CW: Bleah… Jot it down.

And that would have been that. No leaping for joy. No nothing. Serendipity (if it really happened like that) happens more than we’d like to admit.

Linux had a great ad. A boy sits silently on a stool staring blankly while various experts take turns to explain a lot of crazy stuff to him. Chaos theory (it’s all about timing), engineering, programming etc and he just takes it all in. The voiceover describes the project as if the boy is some prototype cyborg whose mind (or hard disk if you must) is imbibing vast amounts of knowledge. It ends with “His name is Linux”. And the tag line? “The Future is Open” if I remember correctly. Loved it.

And then there were those that didn’t appeal to me.

Playstation, I believe, had one where masses of people run onto the streets heading towards one skyscraper (or “sky-scrapper” as I recently read in some company’s whitepaper) and begin swarming it like so many ants over a dead cockroach till they reach the top. A few have their turn to stand at the very peak before falling over only to have their places taken by others. Great art-direction, especially the flyby shot towards the end. But then it just ended with the word “Play”. (Again, my memory is fuzzy but I think that’s how it went.) Which left me puzzled and unsatisfied.

And then there were those where you marveled in part at the creative but more so at the servicing team that managed to sell the idea in the first place. The ad in question was for, again I’m guessing, Nike.

Madison Square Garden. A basketball game is in progress. The crowd is on its feet, cheering, eating, booing etc. That usual NBA tune is playing. Dum dum dum dum repeatedly. I’m sure everyone knows this one. And then the tune stops. The crowd sits down hurriedly and the camera sorta picks out this one puzzled basketball player and another dude in the crowd as they finally realize what’s going on and make a dash for it. Others who can’t find seats are doing the same, scrambling around and grabbing everything that counts as a seat. Forklifts seats, toilet bowls, dressing room stools. Anything. Until finally only the poor basketballer is left standing. And then? The music plays again and the game starts over. Ok… words don’t do this ad justice but it’s basically a glorified inverted version of musical chairs.

How do you even sell this sorta idea to a client?

Suit: Well, you know musical chairs?
Client: Uh-huh…
Suit: We’d like to do it on a larger scale. You know? Like really AWESOME.
Client: …
Suit: So we have this huge arena full of people and everyone has to grab a seat, see? And this one guy doesn’t make it, and well, yeah. It starts all over again from there.
Client: Get outta here.

I suppose this is where a helivac would come in useful for most servicing teams but apparently this one managed to punch through and shoot the client in the head. Good job and a great though somewhat pointless ad. What I’d give to have something like that in my book nonetheless.

Playing ad critic is fun. So this is how Bob Garfield makes a living.

Anyway, for some great TVCs, visit here and here.

Who's the trekkie?

what's with the star trek ads? Enterprise, Klingon, "To boldly go where no man has gone before!".. we don't use all those words right? oh, oops, look, i just did it

oh well, back to work. I really got to stop bringing work home

Come on now old chap, you can't blame God for everything.

This post doesn't read as well as it should...

I woke up today and cursed vehemently at the alarm clock. But after enjoying Thursday and Friday off coupled with the weekend, this reaction to being brought so rudely back down to earth was, of course, perfectly justified. Watched Alex Pagulayan beat Chang Pei Wei (or, “Pee Wee Chang”, as the ang mohs insisted) in the World Pool Championships final last night. He looked dead and buried at 11-2 down (I think it was that great a margin), but somehow came back to win 17-15.

Went down to NUS on Thursday for the first time in a year for Pat’s commencement in the capacity of boyfriend/photographer/porter/pay-for-everythinger. The place has changed so much. From a tattered old school, it has now morphed into a tattered old school with cranes and soil heaps all over the place. Charming.

So there was Pat in her convocation gown looking distinctly pregnant on this proud day. But then again, there were a few hundred just as pregnant females, and males for that matter, cluttering up the UCC. I often wonder why universities have to play this cruel joke on their students. Met her parents for the first time. “You look like a secondary school student.” said her father. Gah. Anyway, that comment aside, they seem like nice, easy-going people. Phew.

As with every commencement, an endless orgy of phototaking ensues. The sense in this escapes me but I admit that I was guilty of this as well last year. So you end up with the usual stand-in-front-of-plants-and-strike-a-pose photo. Or the look-at-me-holding-my-cert photo. Or the lets-try-to-look-as-happy-as-we-can pose. And who can forget the classic mortar-boards-in-the-air-while-surrounding-people-run-for-cover shot. Such is the mettle on which the future of our nation will be built.

Watched King Arthur. It was entertaining enough though perhaps not as emotionally gripping as it could have been. Clive Owen seriously looks like Christian Vieri to me when he’s looking grim. When he’s speaking, he reminds me of Nicholas Cage. Merlin… I don’t think catapults count as magic.

Stepped into NTU for the first time in as long as I can remember on Friday in the capacity of beast of burden. That’s not to say that Pat herself wasn’t fully laden as well though. The thing about NTU is that while it has a beautiful sprawling campus, it is exactly this sprawling quality that makes it such a pain in the ass. After you’ve spent half your life just getting there, you still have to navigate long winding roads up and down to God knows where. And I thought Kent Ridge was bad. At least what we had in NUS were just one or two hills. What NTU offers is a veritable mountain range. Thankfully, we had the sense to take a cab. Her hostel looks cosy enough in the old school type of way. A few dim yellow lights and it’d be perfect.

My writing seems rather disjointed today. I wonder why. Inbox says mail. Mail says two solution sheets need to be done. Copywriter says damn you all.

Windoze jokes

I love them. One of my all time favourites is this one:

"Linux is for stability, OS X for productivity, Windows for solitaire."

Here's another good one. Apparently, there was a Windows rumor that the Japanese version had its error messages in Haiku. Here's a supposed example:

"Yesterday it worked
Today it is not working
Windows is like that"

It's true you know.

== Writers, take note ==

Joel, you reminded me of something.

I was just thinking to myself, IF I NEVER SEE ANOTHER HEADLINE/TAGLINE WHERE THEY USE THE ABBREVIATED FORM OF "INFORMATION TECHNOLOGY' OR "IT" TO PUN THE ACTUAL WORD "IT", I WOULD JUMP FOR ZIPPEDY-DO-DA JOY. Singaporean companies of the IT ilk somehow hav this irresistable urge to make sure that when they do talk about themselves, they have to do IT something like this.


This is just one, but trust me, I've seen more spanning the headlines in prime news both over paper and TV media. See: "Making IT happen" tagline for NCS.

Ugh....

Spam spam spam spam. Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!

I hope SPAM doesn't come down on me for using one of their site's pictures. anyway, that's where the name came from.

ok, that's the canned SPAM. the etymology of spam as unsolicited email is as follows. also from the SPAM site, i too lazy to type my own

"You've probably seen, heard or even used the term "spamming" to refer to the act of sending unsolicited commercial email (UCE), or "spam" to refer to the UCE itself. Following is our position on the relationship between UCE and our trademark SPAM.

Use of the term "spam" was adopted as a result of the Monty Python skit in which our SPAM meat product was featured. In this skit, a group of Vikings sang a chorus of "spam, spam, spam . . . " in an increasing crescendo, drowning out other conversation. Hence, the analogy applied because UCE was drowning out normal discourse on the Internet."

and then they go on about how ONE DAY, ppl will first associate spam with UCE and not their product.. right.. either they have not updated their site for a while, or all that processed meat gives them delusions. here's their link

I regret to say that I've never seen that episode. a little googling revealed that it was in Series 2 episode 25. Here's a transcript of that sketch. I wonder when spam will become a thing we talk about in the past tense, you know, like how we talk about monty python's flying circus?

As Luke Sullivan writes in “Hey Whipple, Squeeze This”, every once in awhile, agencies are stricken with clients known as “Meat Puppets”. Why meat puppets? Because the marketing people to whom you present your ideas aren’t really the ones in charge. They’re really just there for the sake of being there. The real decisions are made upstairs. He describes them thus, “Invisible strings, thin but powerful, dangle down from management and are attached to every part of their bodies. Everything these guys do, everything they think, every memo they write, every decision they don’t put off, will be second-guessed.” And so how do these half-lifes survive? Well, they say no. No to everything. No to the copy, no to the art direction, no to idea #1 through to idea #457. No to religion, no to agnosticism, no to atheism. Ok… so that’s taking it a little far. But the idea is NO,NO,NO.

To which I was going YES, YES, YES as I read on. That’s exactly what we’re facing. The marketing people to whom the battle-hardened AEs are presenting our work to just aren’t the ones in charge. They’ve been told that they are but they’re not. But they act like they are. They fuss and say no to almost everything before finally, and, I assume, reluctantly agreeing to an idea, before the head honcho appears, tells the cowering bugs she likes idea #1 even though the idea they approved was idea #458 and we start from scratch.

It gets worse when the client starts to nit pick on the copywriting especially when their language of choice is most likely Hokkien. And so I have to deal with ridiculous comments like “we don’t like the line ‘our products will cater to all your needs’ because we’re not food caterers.” Or “your copywriter tends to use very cheem words hor. Can you replace the word ‘murals’ with something else cos we don’t understand it and so our target audience won’t.” A hint: not everyone's as stupid as you are. And the best part is, after extensive changes which they insisted on and which I tried my darnedest to integrate, they have the cheek to come back and say that they like what the copywriter in Malaysia has written which is no different from what I did initially. “You must get involved with our products”, they shamelessly say even though they can’t even provide me with a half decent specifications sheet. But I guess that’s the way it is in small agencies. Every client counts. All you can do is take a deep breath, curse their parents to hell and get on with it.

SMEs are generally the same, especially in Singapore. They wanna advertise. They wanna produce all their stupid little booklets and brochures with beautiful language and wonderful visuals. They wanna target the snazzy consumer with money to spare. They wanna show off their range of products. They wanna boast that they have a website and showrooms all over the country. Of course they do. Our suits agree with theirs. Handshakes and smiles all around. A partnership is born. And then the trouble starts. They don’t have the visuals to jazz up their collaterals. They don’t have product info for the copywriter to work on. They assume that everyone’s as dumb as they are. They wanna be seen as classy yet act like streetside turds. They spend a fortune getting someone to think up a brand identity for them when they have no brand direction. It’s just all wrong. So in the end, the agency is dragged kicking and screaming along by a leash of dollars and cents. The creative department is constantly bogged down by edits and ridiculous timelines. The servicing department constantly has to push things back while trying not to let slip to the client that we feel they’re a bunch of world-class idiots. It’s a monumental struggle and all without reward. None of my work for them is going into my book and I don’t believe that handling an SME like that will add much to a suit’s portfolio either. Just our luck.

[on the radio] “The good news is that Saddam Hussein is facing the death penalty. The bad news is that Beckham's taking it”

This is supposed to be funny as opposed to mind-numbingly stupid?

I want one of these. Its design is simply fantastic, can't imagine how someone can think of something like that. It will fit perfectly in my room, a great complement to the unique decor of my own personal space.

and oh, I wouldn't mind that yellow rug either =P

no, really, think that rug is a great idea, I'm sure it costs a bomb. The site of the designer has an address to a Singapore distributor. Some shop with a hoy-ty toy-ty (sp.?) italian name. I don't know what's worse, knowing i won't be able to afford it just by looking at it, or calling them up and knowing for sure that I won't be able to afford it because of a value quoted bigger than my bank account...

Gmail Invite, Anyone?

I know that Gmail accounts are very much in demand right now but this is ridiculous. Let’s see now, so far, people have offered (and probably swapped) the following for a Gmail invite.

1. A spy in Denver.
“This includes but is not limited to tracking, hidden photographs (from my high quality digital camera), listening in on conversations, vehicle tailing, for the whole evening. I will give you all the data I collect for your personal use. I need a picture of the person I am following as well. I will be your person private eye!”

2. A reenactment of any Star Trek episode in full.
“I will act out, in full, any Star Trek: The Next Generation episode you desire - whether it's Wesley's tragic near-death sentance on Rubicun III, Q's experience with the human condition or the one where Deanna gives birth to a shiny beam of light.”

3. A duct tape wallet.
“If one of you gives me a Gmail invitation, I'll make and send you a real customized Duct Tape wallet. It can be a bi or trifold wallet, with as many pockets as you want. I can do drivers license pockets with clear protectors, slots for movie tickets, slots for credits cards, change pockets, like I said.. what ever you want in the wallet! I'll even send you a photo of the wallet with my own money in it! WOW!”

4. An animal sound over the phone.
(I’d ask for a giraffe. I’ve never heard a giraffe before.)

5. A letter from God
“You could be the sole owner of a personal, hand-signed letter from God, verified by someone who is associated with someone who is an ordained, practicing protestant minister! Just think of the doors this could open in your life! Money! Fame! Power! And I'd say sex, but that'd be just odd!”

6. A period.

Anyway, for anyone who’s interested, I have one single invite left and am willing to exchange it, very reasonably, for an iPod Mini (lime green if possible). This is a bargain you can’t afford to miss!

Ah well... was worth a try.

“With the widest selection of blah blah blah, XXX will let you do just that.”

This was part of the opening paragraph I wrote for some product in a consumer brochure. And the client’s comments?

“It sounds like Nike right? You know, Just Do It?”

This is when you know you’re dealing with scatterbrains. Not that I didn’t have fair warning from previous skirmishes. But still, one can never really be fully prepared for clients like this.

I'm not a vehement M$ hater but this was just irresistible.

For those who are thus inclined (and this means you, John), I urge you to place your orders here right now.

I don’t see how Macy Gray performing naked is gonna help anyone. But then again, NKF raises obscene sums of money with each and every one of its seemingly fortnightly shows. I wonder if those poor TCS stars ever get sick of performing (read: being used as circus animals) again and again.

The wait is over

For those looking out for an Apple product, the weak USD doesn't count. I don't know how things work in the land of Jobs, just take a look at the prices on the Apple Singapore webstore and compare them to the American one. Example: iPod mini is US$249. going by current exchange rate, it should cost S$425. Well, tough, it costs S$458 on apple.com.sg. actually I know why, just griping for fun. it's GST. so if you add 5% to that, it should cost S$446. so its really only S$12 more than the American iPod.

Did I just say the American iPod? Of course its an American.. what else can it be? Evident in the way that it is sold. iPod minis will be available internationally on 24th July, a few months after it started shipping in the US. For a consumer tech product, that's a lifetime. No matter. The world's desire for the iPod mini will finally be met.

Andy - Renegade van driver and traffic rule breaker. Those double yellow lines might as well not have been there.

This photo is the direct result of Eileen trying to seek inspiration with my camera.

Guinness - putting the water back in toilet water.

For you girls (or guys) out there who have a severe tan line fetish, this is the hunk for you!

After Lunch Work

Apparently, for a copywriter, being greeted heartily by an AE upon your return from lunch is a sign of impending doom. For the second day in a row, a terribly drowsy me has been warmly welcomed back to the office only to be briefed immediately on I’d-rather-watch-toenails-grow-than-do-this jobs.

“Joel!! You’re back!! Solution sheet!!”(or something like that) My name is increasingly becoming a dirty word.

What they don’t understand is that after a heavy meal (fish head curry again in today’s case), I have precisely as much processing power as a curry puff and curry puffs aren’t exactly adept at writing solution sheets or brochures now, are they? In fact, in the two hours following lunch, my brain is already working at full capacity just keeping my bodily functions up and running. It is, in essence, one big fat hypothalamus. This is why impromptu closed-door brainstorm sessions are sometimes suddenly called for in the conference room, pitch or no pitch. Okok. So that’s happened maybe twice in the 6 months I’ve been here. I’ve gotta strive to make it part of the creative team’s daily schedule.

With the European Championships over after that horrendous final which Greece deserved to win only because Portugal didn’t, the close season is officially upon us and the musical chairs game that is the transfer market has kicked into action.

So what has Newcastle been up to? Almost nothing really. Other than signing James Milner for £5m and declaring their interest in that donkey named Patrick Kluivert, the Magpies have been quiet. So quiet that is scares me. What the team really needs isn’t another midfielder nor a striker like Kluivert. We desperately need at least two new, and might I add, capable defenders. Buying defenders doesn’t really seem to be Sir Bobby’s forte. Other than Jonathan Woodgate, whose quality was there for all to see anyway, the defensive signings he’s made have all proved disastrous. Andy O’Brien, signed from Bradford for goodness knows what, is famous for making blunders only matched by the size of his gargantuan nose. As if one shaky defender isn’t bad enough, we’re stricken with Titus Bramble, who, considering his propensity to participate in “roasting” sessions, should really be named TitAss Bramble. I’ll never forget his airball against Arsenal which allowed Henry an easy tap-in to put them back in the lead. On the bright side, at least Nikos Dabizas is gone. While his dedication to the team was unquestionable, he never really got it into his head that raising YOUR hand doesn’t automatically rule the striker offside.

So what else can be added to complete the squad? Perhaps a truly creative midfielder and a striker similar to Bellamy could be considered. Granted that we’ve already got Kieron Dyer and Hugo Viana to provide attacking options from central midfield, but they just aren’t good enough. Dyer’s tireless and dead quick but sadly, that just means he runs into walls, real quickly, again and again and again. Viana looks lazy to me. You don’t get very far in the Premiership by strolling around the park, showing off your wavy hair. As for strikers, the only other natural replacement for Bellamy would be sulky puss Lua Lua who is inconsistent anyway. Chopra is something of an unknown quantity to me. He’s touted to be brilliant but from what I’ve seen, he’s out of his depth in the first team. Ameobi’s mainly a target man though he possesses good on the ball skills. He’d make a better replacement for Shearer than Kluivert. At least he doesn’t whine so much.

The new season’s just a month away so Sir Bobby had better start making those phonecalls. I don’t wanna have to live through another season of mediocrity. Looking at the way Chelsea, Liverpool and even Birmingham are bolstering their squads for next season, just hanging on to 5th place with the current squad would be considered a feat.

Presented the ideas to the client yesterday. For the first time ever, I got to do some talking. Unnerving at first but a good experience overall. It helped that the marketing person looked like Winnie, without the Chiclets teeth of course. The boss started off with a little bit of strategy, I explained the concepts, the client gave her comments, in the end choosing the most hard sell of the lot which broke my heart, and while I was vacuuming up the pieces, Eileen valiantly, though I suspect, ultimately futilely tried to convince the client otherwise. She’ll get back to us in a week or two, but my hopes aren’t high. Was fun working on that project though, just a pity we didn’t have time to explore all the avenues.

There aren't many better ways of watching the final of the European Championships. Now, if only Italy was involved. 

Yes Yes, I Know I'm Famous

I don’t mean to brag but I’ve been told by friends on numerous occasions that I resemble a famous personality.

“You have his eyes,” they say, “and his attitude.” to which I modestly reply, “Bullshit”. (Note that this denial may be accompanied by threats of force or the use of various body parts in a vulgar or offensive manner. I make no apologies.)

Anyway, this well-known persona has been with us for such a long time that he has become part of our culture. His wit is legendary, his laziness even more so. No doubt, the latter is where my (former) friends believe that he and I share an uncanny resemblance. Again, this is merely more horse dung.

And now, much to my dismay, a movie has been made in which he is starring. This has led to an endless barrage of autograph requests and enquiries on the filming process.

Well, dear friends, I am not gonna sign anyone’s butt nor am I going to dignify remarks such as “you’re famous!!” with so much as a wiggle of the nose. All of you deserve, in keeping with the barn animal excrement theme, to be pelted with sheep pellets.

This might seem a tad severe, but when the celebrity is Garfield, hell, why not?

Finally, some breathing space.

The last few days have been one hectic blur spent between dreaming up ideas, writing slogans and watching football. But that’s what happens when your boss decides to schedule two pitches in a week.

It seems that I’ll be the one presenting the ideas to the client on Monday so perhaps one of those 54 Ashworth shirts my mom bought in anticipation of me getting a high paying, no life, government job will, at long last, be put to use in my low paying, no life, non-government job. But hey, I get to wear jeans and t-shirts to work so there, I win.

Among other things:
Greece won in the semis. Bleah.
I’ve diligently started saving all my dollar coins.
My Transformers™ game is just sitting around screaming to be played.
Huddersfield is still in the 1st division, in my CM game at least.
Pat got herself a spanking new Nikon camera which means that she is now officially more hi-tech than me.
I have to write a damn consumer brochure over the weekend.
I’m still struggling through the ad book I bought.

Someday in the future, I’ll be reading this and commenting on what a dull life I’ve led.

Yes, the correct answer is wtf.